Something beautiful and terrifying is happening. I am starting to move into my body. To feel it.
It humbles me. I feel so deeply that I am part of nature.
My body moves in cycles, with the moon, with the seasons, with the coming and going of night and day. It moves me. It feels like an art to allow it, to start flowing in harmony with it.
I am just dipping my toe in the water. I have learned to be patient and allow. Not to rush and force my own unfolding.
But there is a burning desire deep in my belly to come home. To surrender and become one with the grass and the wind and the oceans. To dissolve and be no more.
Just a dance, a laugh, an embrace. Limitless and free.
A hopeless exhaustion of…
…of making the same mistakes again and again and again
This is not something I can power through
This is something I need to surrender to
How am I supposed to “do” surrender?
I need to have the willingness to understand
the wisdom of not repeating the same mistakes and the patience to put myself back together everytime I’m neither willing nor wise
A loud scream in the silent night
The wolves are howling and I am ready to fight
The only person I am fighting is myself
I don’t want to fight anymore
I can’t fight anymore
On the other side of defeat is an opening
On the other side is more truth, love, peace and clarity
This is the path, to give up again and again
You are not alone
Open your eyes and you will see
Open your heart and you will feel
You do not need to do this alone
All you need to do is ask for help
Like a sword
Cutting through illusion
A movement of divinity
Love flowing within, healing and nurturing
An opening to something new
Letting go of chains I did not know were holding me down
A movement of divine energy
A new silence overflowing into a deep let-go
Shedding layer after layer
Entering into vulnerability
Again and again feeling like I am letting go of myself
Like nothing will be left
Yet here I am
More soft, more spacious, more sensitive
With a capability to act
With a loving awareness I am sinking deeper and deeper within myself
Seeing the one who says “I” does not exist
Experimenting and experiencing
Existing only in the present moment
A new space is opening up
I have been burnt alive and I am now rising from the ashes
Surrendering and allowing over and over
Letting music sooth me and trusting that my inner guidance is taking me home
A blank space
Trembling as there is no way back
No way to move forward
Just to be present and allow
Allow the process to work in me
Allow my body to rest
Allow my mind to grasp for information and lovingly seeing it is okay to not know
I am here
I am dissolving
Seeing I am just a space
Love is all there is and I cannot disconnect and hide anymore
I am open to seeing more
I am open to this journey
Trusting in the unknowable
Trusting in the untouchable
Trusting in myself
Allowing myself to flow with what feels good in the moment
My calculating mind is loosing its grip
Breathing through fears and worst case scenarios
I can see that it doesn’t kill me
I am still here still breathing
I am learning to trust in my own ability to respond
Merging with the whole and seeing the bigger picture
The more alive I become the more I am letting go of knowing, calculating and being in control of what happens next
Surrendering into the flow of life and allowing myself to be surprised
Taking fear in my hand and gently waking side by side
Understanding it is not trying to hurt me
But also that it is my freedom and choice to open my eyes and jump anyway
I am free falling
It is terrifying and thrilling
I wouldn’t have it any other way
What if you could be loved exactly like you are?
What if life was just waiting to give you more than you could ever imagine?
What if I told you I know it is true because it is happening to me….
To be allowed to be exactly like I am has set me free.
To realize that I am the only one who can give me permission to do so.
To see that I am held by the divine and its unconditional love, within and around me.
Having the freedom to do whatsoever I feel. To eat what I like, feel what I feel, express what I feel.
My body is becoming soft as my worries and complaints dissolve.
I am left with a deep sense of gratitude.
For myself. For the universe. For life.
A sense of completion as we are all one.
One creative energy, one living organism dancing together in perfect harmony.
I have welcomed you as my master
In complete surrender I bow down and touch your feet I am letting go, I am emptying myself Coming home Shedding layers
A movement of energy is happening
A whirling wind around me Coming back to stillness and there is nothing left
Where am I and what is happening?
Surrendering once more
I love you and I will now move you
You are doing well keep going
A cosmic joke
A laugh and I come back
A sense of love in my heart an openness and a new vulnerability
Held by the energy field around me
My sensitivity is welcomed here
There is no need to suppress or deny it any longer The time has come for me to start shining my light To stop hiding in the shadows
To walk out in my aloneness like a mirror
Creating space for others to follow Letting my light overflow
Guided and held by the universe
Everything I will need will be provided There is nothing for me to do No need to worry Just be Just unfold
Present in each moment
Moving spontaneously Freely Bravely
I encourage you to love to accept to flower
You are coming home my love Welcome home