Trembling inside


My mind is spinning

Loosing grip of held positions of the past

Like a tornado blasting through my environment and leaving nothing behind

There is a silence and an emptiness

An uncertainty and a fearful mind

Please don’t leave

I am sorry

I didn’t mean to

Showers of shame and regret are washing over me

Like waves they come and go

I am anchored to something deeper within

I have been here before

Something new is on its way and I have outgrown the old

In surrender I wait

Walking hand in hand with fear


Trusting in the unknowable

Trusting in the untouchable

Trusting in myself

Allowing myself to flow with what feels good in the moment

My calculating mind is loosing its grip

Breathing through fears and worst case scenarios

I can see that it doesn’t kill me

I am still here still breathing

I am learning to trust in my own ability to respond

Merging with the whole and seeing the bigger picture

The more alive I become the more I am letting go of knowing, calculating and being in control of what happens next

Surrendering into the flow of life and allowing myself to be surprised

Taking fear in my hand and gently waking side by side

Understanding it is not trying to hurt me

But also that it is my freedom and choice to open my eyes and jump anyway

I am free falling

It is terrifying and thrilling

I wouldn’t have it any other way

To Face our Fears


When something hurts we have a choice. To hide, suppress and avoid or we can choose to evolve. To sit down and feel it. What is it and why am I so scared of feeling it?

I am starting to see that nothing is as scary as hiding from ourselves. When we hide from ourselves our home becomes a scary place, hostile and unsafe. Our body becomes our enemy and a split occurs. We need to step away from our body in order to stay safe. Our body mirrors us, it shows us what we feel and brings us back to our truth.

So when we split from our body we are free in a sense. Free from seeing what is actually there. But we are also cut off from our source. Cut off from the love, light and play that we are. We enter the world of the mind and life becomes flat. We need distractions and to constantly be stimulated in order to feel okay and stay blind to the fact that we are missing the essential qualities of life. It is scary.

The only way out is to choose to wake up, choose to open our eyes and see what is there. Sitting and feeling an uncomfortable feeling arising within, the choice to face it does not seem as scary anymore. Little by little we can face our fears. Each time seeing that we come out on the other side. Each time we have created more space for us to be. More space to breathe and love and dance.

These fears keep us boxed in, they keep us from seeing that we are capable of doing whatever we want. All is possible. These fears keep us small, they keep us obedient and chained in to the rules of society.

I am facing my fears everyday, each time choosing to stay, breathe and feel. I am starting to break out of the chains that have been holding me down. I am seeing that I have wings and I am learning how to fly. I am seeing that the world is available to me and that anything is possible. No one can stop me or hold me back besides myself.

Love, Leela